Happiness and the Good Life

Dr. Santos got the idea for her course after observing her Yale students, who should have been feeling proud, confident, and content with themselves from attending one of the most elite and prestigious universities in the world, instead suffered from anxieties, stress, hopelessness, loneliness, depression, and were largely, unhappy. Saddened, she conducted studies, and applied her expertise in psychology and combined them with neuroscience research on happiness levels to find the habits, choices, and behaviors of people who are happy and compared them to that of unhappy people.

The following are 10 things she learned and, in turn, teaches her students:

1. We can control our happiness. Many people believe that our disposition for happiness is hereditary, which is true to some extent. Science has shown that 50% of our happiness is influenced by our genes, but the important thing is the rest of our chance for happiness--50%--is under our own control. Accordingly, thinking positively and viewing the glass as half full, we have a very good chance of developing habits and mindsets that will lead us to happiness.
2. Life circumstances do not matter as much as we think. Despite our own beliefs, where we live, the jobs we hold, and the salary we are paid do not affect our happiness. A good example of this is taking at look at lottery winners. They are happy the day the won the lottery, and the next day, but six months later, lottery winners are no happier than the average person. On the other range of the spectrum, people who suffer catastrophic injuries, like losing the use of their legs, are down and out for a while, but 6 months later they are at the same level of happiness as they were before the accident. In fact, after their catastrophic and life altering experience, they are even more grateful and appreciative of the life they now have than ever before.
3. It takes effort to be happy. Permanent changes to our mindsets require effort every day of our lives. Just like daily exercise is required to get fit, it takes daily effort to train ourselves to go against our own intuitions of what would make us happy.
4. Recognize that our minds and outlooks on life are incorrect. Things that we think would make us happy, actually do not. A bigger house, a bigger salary, acquiring more material things do not make us happy. Studies have shown that most people think that if they just made another $20,000 (or for high wage earners a $100,000) more a year they would be happy. The higher salary we have the higher pay raise we believe we require to reach nirvana. But this sort of thinking has been shown, again and again, to be wrong. What happens in actuality, the higher we go up the pay scale, the more money we believe we need to achieve happiness. It's a never ending chase for the carrot hanging at the end of the stick. Moreover, studies have shown that people who seek material aspirations are less happy than those who don't. For example, buying a new car makes us happy just for the short term. In the long term, that same car brings us unhappiness as its paint starts to fade, parts begin to wear down, and the chores of keeping it filled with gas or electricity, clean, and running become a tiresome burden. So, what can we do to make us really happy? Dr. Santos makes the following recommendations:
5. Make social connections. Talking with other people, it could be a stranger, makes us feel happy. Moreover, the effects of interacting with others lasts a long time, more than just a couple days. Dr. Santos had her students to speak to strangers when standing in line at the store and talk to strangers on train rides. We believe that we would be happier and more productive if we kept to ourselves and even worked on our own things during the train ride. However, studies have shown and her own students have experienced for themselves that we are all more productive and even happier by spending time with others. People who prioritize strangers, family, and friends are happier than people who prioritize themselves.
6. Spend money on others. Remarkably, contrary to what we believe, spending money on other people makes us more happier than spending money on ourselves. Dr. Santos conducted an experiment with her students and gave them either $5 or $20 to spend money on themselves or on other people. The results were those people who spent the money for other people experienced a significantly larger increase in their happiness than those who spent the money on themselves. Moreover, the amount did not matter, whether it was $5 or $20, the students experienced the same level of happiness. Accordingly, the lesson learned from this experiment was that treating ourselves does not lead to our happiness, but treating others, no matter the amount, does.
7. Make time for gratitude. At the end of our day, we should not unwind by complaining about all the people and things that did us wrong. Instead we should write down a list of all the good things that happened in our day. Happy people think about and focus on the good things in their lives and they write down all their blessings. Moreover, something that spikes our level of happiness is to write a thank you letter to someone who helped us in the past. According to Dr. Santos, this written expression of our gratitude will make us feel happy for an entire month.
8. Healthy Practices. Getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep and exercising 1/2 hour a day will greatly increase our level of happiness. Sleeping 7 to 8 hours a day puts us in a good, positive mood. Sleeping just 4 hours a day will cause our level of happiness to be at the level of a clinically depressed person. Thirty minutes of cardio exercise will keep us in a happy state for 24 hours. Moreover, that 30 minutes of cardio has the same affect on our brains as taking Zoloft (an anti-depressant medication). We should train ourselves to have the discipline to take 30 minutes of exercise than popping an anti-depression pill.
9. Be in the present moment. We spend 50% of our time being out of the moment, not paying attention to what we are doing, worrying about other things, or even thinking about other positive things. When we sit down for a refreshment, we do not focus on our drink or dessert, but instead we often read a paper or even work. Happy people, savor what they are drinking, eating, and doing at the moment. They do not distract themselves with other things. Meditation also helps us to notice and appreciate all the good things in life.
10. Wealthy in terms of time. Happier people have time affluence, not necessarily money affluence. Happier people value their time more than money and accordingly, sacrifice money to have more time. Happier people are willing to work less hours, even though it would mean making less money, so that they could have more time to spend their families. Similarly, they are willing to hire other people to do a task, such as hiring a plumber to change a toilet, than saving their money by spending their time to go to hardware store to buy a new toilet, flex pipe, ball and cock, and install all of those parts themselves.

I share Dr. Santos' teachings with you because I wish all of us to learn and practice how to be happy. I used to be a very critical, the glass is half-empty type of person. However, the combination of my wife's aggressive intervention to beat the pessimism and negativity out of me during the first 7 years of our relationship, followed by my joining a church whose teachings and practices mirror Dr. Santos' lessons, has helped me to become a more positive and happier person. I am grateful for my wife's patience, love, and guidance and the positive reinforcements I receive from going to church every Sunday. Having a positive and happy outlook on life has made me a better husband, citizen, and lawyer, which I will elaborate further in my next talk titled, "Captain James T. Kirk and Litigation."

I wish all people to learn and practice being happy and to live a good life. For those of you living in Hawaii with me, I say, "Let's raise the level of Aloha in our great state and dethrone Disneyland as the happiest place on earth."

Dated: Honolulu, Hawaii, May 20, 2024.

Max J. Kimura